just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
