Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
