I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
