I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
