I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
