new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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