she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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