I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Shame - the story of my life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
