OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
