Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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