how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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