i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize