he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
