While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
