I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
