My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
