Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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