It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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