We named our party play list daddy issues
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
