Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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