They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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