I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
