I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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