i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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