Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
