I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
