i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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