I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
