My first STD was from a foam party
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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