Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
