I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
