YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
