Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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