onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
