Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
