hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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