it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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