I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
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After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
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I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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