AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
