I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
