I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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