Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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