Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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