i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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