i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
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I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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