K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
