I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Alive.
So much puke
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
