I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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