Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
