don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
