It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
