i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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