I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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