god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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