i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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