I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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