I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This is not my ceiling
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
