This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
