YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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