I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
