Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
