yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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