I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
