Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
