Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
